I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
