A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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