I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
