That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
