I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Did I show you my penis last night?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
