i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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