I'm drive I can fine osifer
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
