I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
