Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Come share oat with me in your robe
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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