Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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