It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
