A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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