If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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