she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
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Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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