wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
