from now on my penis is your penis
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Enjoy the penises
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
