I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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