He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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