For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
