I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
