garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
