I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
