i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
