i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
