I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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