This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
