No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
