Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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