Only a mothe r could love this liver
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
