too bad you live with your parents still
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
