Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
