i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
