I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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