fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
