he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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