Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
