I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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