you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
