When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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