I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
