I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
