Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
