Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
