Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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