woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
