she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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