Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Randomize
