Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
