i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
