Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
