He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
God, I missed his penis.
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