You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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