$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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