What a fucking waste of an outfit
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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