You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I didn't notice because vodka
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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