we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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