Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i will never coherently bang her
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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